End the resentment – Finding your Happiness

end the resentmentResentment is a plague that ruins happiness. In fact, not an ounce of happiness can persist when it exists. The truth is; we all harness some form of resentment. Generally it’s towards an enemy in your distant past; someone who has wronged you. Feelings of frustration and anxiety probably form when you think of this person. I’m sure you can think of at least a couple people who’ve wronged you in some way. Often times, the hatred you have for someone lasts well into adulthood. Even though you don’t physically see the person in your adult years you still hang on to the negative feelings he or she dealt you. Prolonged resentment only generates unhappiness. The only way to eliminate it is to deal with your feelings about the situation. This isn’t easy to attain, but with increased effort you can eliminate it altogether. A mindset free from resentment and negativity will allow you to restructure your sense of happiness and regain clarity in your life.

 

Stage 1: This exercise is built in three stages. It requires a direct focus and journaling your past experiences, so get ready for an in-depth experience. In a quiet comfortable place open your journal to a clear page. In fact, pick a page closer to the middle of the journal. This strategy allows you to bury your resentment deep in the pages you’ll probably never see again. Before you start writing anything down you need to get your mind in a relaxed state. (For breathing techniques please see Zero point meditation). With a relaxed mindset and your heart rate at a balanced state try to muster up any negative qualities from your past. Feel free to delve deep into the beginning of your memory. Write down everything that comes to your mind. This exercise may be difficult at first, however with increased practise you’ll become a professional. Try to form a list of ten negative qualities from your past. There’s no specific order for this exercise. Just write it all down.

To speed up the process you might want to ask yourself the following questions: Which friends have wronged me? Who has wronged me within my family? When did I feel let down in my past? Try to think of specific instances where you remember being extremely upset with the outcome. Write down each experience in point form, nothing more. When you write in point form you’re able to focus on a variety of instances rather than just one specific. This exercise may take some time. Don’t rush yourself. You may choose to move onto Stage 2 of this exercise after you’ve completed your list of ten, or you can choose to take a break and come back to Stage 2 another day.

 

Stage 2: When you’ve listed ten instances of resentment you can move onto this stage. This stage allows you to delve into each experience individually. In order to eliminate the negatives qualities in your life you’ll need a direct focus on each specific issue.

This stage is the most in-depth part of the exercise. Please understand that you’ll need to enlist a great deal of time into it. During this portion of the exercise you’ll gain incredible insight about yourself. As you read through your ten issues you’ll realize there’s a lot of work ahead to relieve the hostility that surrounds you. The good news is; you’ve already started the process to enlightenment. With a clear perspective on positive change you’re destined for happiness, as long as you stay determined to complete this exercise.

Sometimes the relief from this exercise is enough for to some to make instant change. When you’re able to see how long an issue has been standing in the way of your happiness your motivation rises. This is where the magic happens.

Before you start this phase you’ll want to do some breathing exercises to bring your mind to a relaxed state. Once this is accomplished take a look at your list of ten resentments. Pick one from the list and then turn the page. I want to make sure you’re only focusing on one specific issue at a time. More than that will cloud your mind.

Label a page in your journal whatever you have titled your resentment. Underneath the title I want you to start writing its story. Write with as much detail as possible, and try to delve deep into your inner emotions when writing this. I want you to envision yourself reliving the experience altogether. Re imagine what it was like going through the experience. How did you feel? What emotions played in your heart? Who was there and what was said, or not said? Were you let down? If so, how were you let down? I want you to gain as clear perspective of the situation as possible so you can see exactly what triggered the resentment in the first place.

When you relive an experience over and over you start to gain immunity towards it. That’s exactly what I want for you to accomplish with this exercise. I want you to relive the experience so you can build immunity towards it. By writing a graphic, in depth journal entry about your experience you’re defragging your brain from any types of viruses that plagued your mindset previously. By doing this exercise you’re giving yourself a mental detox. When you’re finished you’ll feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. It’ll feel like you just came from a relaxing vacation, or the Spa because the clutter will be eliminated for good.

 

Stage 3: Repeat Stage 2 with each of your resentment issues. Go through the list and pick one, then pick another, and another. By the time you get through all ten you’ll see a dramatic change in your perspective. The best part about perspective is that it automatically adjusts to your current values, but only if the person is resentment free. That’s the object of this exercise.

You’ll enjoy a better life when you’re resentment free. Positive feelings can only breed in an environment that’s filled with joy and appreciation. That’s why it’s so important to take a step back here and there to assess the situation and cycle out the bad. This can be done at any point in anyone’s life. When you do this you’ll start appreciating your life more. You’ll start appreciating yourself more, and you’ll start looking at other people in a kinder perspective. The truth is; the only thing from stopping you from living an ideal lifestyle is your own perspective.

 

 

This is only one of the fifteen commandments to happiness. If you’re interested in the complete set of commandments please visit Commandments to Happiness

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Showing 6 comments
  • bbcdix
    Reply

    Hello, a decent article on the things one needs to relinquish keeping in mind the end goal to be glad. I have found what works for me is to simply live in the present – overlooking what turned out badly in the past and what may happen later on… yet simply concentrating on the here and the now, valuing all that I have and being appreciative for all that is going right.

    Awesome site… keep being a motivation.

  • Britanica
    Reply

    Resentment goes hand in hand with not forgiving people. A lot of people feel that others don’t deserve their forgiveness, which in most cases is true but you have to consider yourself. When a person holds on to resentment and bitterness, they trap themselves in the past and keep themselves from growing. Wonderful article! I am really enjoying this blog!

  • Ann
    Reply

    I need to send this on to a very dear friend of mine. She was in a very bad marriage and when she finally left him, the divorce was absolutely ridiculous. And she’s a great person, who just happened to pick the wrong guy (and father to their 2 girls) to marry). And though the nonsense still goes on to this day, unfortunately, she is sooo much better than this person. Thanks so much for sharing this. It may help her get over that time in her life.

  • Hannah
    Reply

    This is a great post with so much amazing information and definitely something I need to share with someone. When I was in high school I had these three best friends and we did EVERYTHING together. All the time and we were totally inseparable. When I started dating my boyfriend, now husband, they basically told me it was them or him. I chose him and I don’t regret it for a second to this day, but I still feel resentment over the fact they were childish enough to do that to begin with. It was years ago now, but I feel like doing an exercise like this would really help me move on. Fantastic information here that can be really helpful to a lot of people.

  • Brianne
    Reply

    The exercise you’ve described is interesting and I will try it out. Unfortunately, I have resentment towards a few people and I want this to end. I hate feeling this way whenever I think about those persons and it’s clear I need to address this since some of these resentments go years back. I’ve never tried meditation before so I need to learn how to do this for a beginner before I proceed. Any good sources to learn how to meditate properly?

  • Stalwart
    Reply

    hello
    I was very happy when i saw this post on finding happiness. The author did a great job in sharing such an informative and fun article. I have searched for this on many blogs and read so many articles trying to get the secret of how to find happiness by ending resentment but this blog has been the most informative so far. Thanks for the instructions.

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