12 Feb The key to success in any relationship is to not care what they think of you
I’ve come across a lot of people in my life as a youth motivator since I was 18 years old travelling all across North America; every nook and cranny of the nation. In the realm of my career I’ve spoken in nearly 500 gymnasiums and on top of that I’ve landed 30 jobs. I’ve interviewed for more jobs than I can remember.
They say that everyone forms an instant opinion about everyone they come across. This would lead to a whole lot of ill assumptions based on the amount of people I’ve come across. There’s got to be a good percentage of these people that didn’t experience my true self. I’m sure I presented myself perhaps differently to each of these people, and for this there’s a vast fluctuation of initial first impressions that I’ve built in my lifetime. That’s a whole lot of ill perception.
As a motivational speaker one of the most important aspects of leadership on stage is acquiring the ability to let go of anyone’s negative energy towards you. Just like in comedy, comedians constantly battle with their audience; some of them don’t prefer some of the jokes they tell so they lash out at them. Similarly, as a public speaker you need to dodge some of the negative faces people make at you. Often times you can feel the negative energy people exude when directly standing in front of you. I’m definitely not new to making a second impression with people.
Many of the interviews I was a part of when trying to land a job would be started on the wrong foot. Either I would say the wrong thing or mention a job I had that I shouldn’t have. Often times I had to gauge the energy from the interviewer to see how I would present myself thereafter. For the most part these interviews needed a curtail of positive attributes in order to land a job otherwise their first impression outweigh the possibility of even landing a second impression with them. In the aftermath I landed each of the jobs I wanted for the most part but each of them conveyed a message that was clear to me; neither of those jobs served as much passion as my motivational speaking career otherwise I wouldn’t have been in the interview in the first place. But, just like every summer in my early 20’s when the kids were done school I had to land a summer gig. Nowadays, I am employed by a large bus company and the flexibility of this career allows me to work from home, also allowing me to be a writer and spend a lot of time with my kids, my true modern passions.
Let’s face it, most high schoolers are forced to go to inspirational speeches like the ones I delivered for nearly two decades. They didn’t attend out of respect or interest. I had to talk my audience into liking me before they opened their minds up to my wisdom. I knew every single time I stepped on stage that it was going to be difficult to gain everyone’s attention but there’s a point in my presentation where you can literally hear a pin drop. This is where I have won the audience (won their captive attention) . It’s my most powerful moment in my presentation because their silence represents them drawing their guard down enabling them to adhere to my important message. Their silence is their respect. I essentially turned around an entire audiences ill perceived first impression of me around through associating a second impression of myself and my message.
We’ve all been in various relationships. We’ve broken up a handful of times (most of us). We have been challenged by getting to know someone. We’ve also been challenged by people that don’t like us. Sometimes the energies between you and another individual don’t mix well and it makes it difficult to form a relationship with this person. That being said, you no longer need to dwell in the ill perceived emotional barriers any longer.
We don’t need to be bogged down by thinking someone doesn’t like us. We don’t need to dwell on this because a person actually gets two first opinions of us (if they let us). They get the initial ill perceived judgment; the one I’m talking about, and they get a second perception of us when they give us a chance to form another conversation with them at a later date.
Sadly we stray away from people who don’t like us at first. In fact, I remember encountering many of these situations in high school and in my 20s where I’d get introduced to somebody and instantly they didn’t like me. I could sense the negative energy and for the most part I didn’t want to connect with that individual altogether. We don’t need to fear making a second impression.
The best part is; when an individual forms an instant dislike towards you and you’re able to transform his/her dislike towards appreciation of you he/she will respect you more than the average individual because they formed an emotional connection towards you already. The first initial ill conceived perception of you can work towards you and be utilized in momentum to gain further with respect with him/her.
I’ve been using the second impression trick for quite a while. The truth is; we are all just tricking each other‘s emotions throughout our lives. In our relationships at home, in the workplace, in college, in sales, and everywhere we go we are always trying to loop people’s emotional well-being into perceiving what we believe. All you need to do is heighten somebody’s emotions and you’ve got control over the conversation. I’ve use this tactic many times in door-to-door sales were all I acquired the customers business by heightening their emotions. In the end, I befriended him/her by befriending their opinion which led to a signed agreement on lawn care or whatever I was peddling.
I gained most of my clients by heightening their emotional value about something irrelevant to what I was selling. Once I gained their heightened emotional state I briefly talked about the product I was selling and handed over a pen. There was no way he/she wasn’t signing because they already formed a small emotional connection with me. Narcissism at its finest.
I’ve been challenged with being disliked a few times in my life but I didn’t let it control my identity. I didn’t allow it to derail my movement towards my goals in life. I have three wonderful children, a beautiful wife and a nice home just like I envisioned when I was younger. All of this wouldn’t exist if I let other people’s opinions about me outweigh the success I have accomplished. My wife wasn’t all that interested in me at first, nor were (are) her parents.
Often times we feel first opinions are set in stone. This is not the case at all. Countless times I’ve had to turn a negative perception of me around. For example, I was trying to land a marriage with my fiancé; she is Greek and I Métis. The traditions didn’t match up and my wife had to stop speaking to her parents for three years until they understood we love each other and they couldn’t stand in the way of our happiness.
Life is too short to dwell on what other people think especially when those assumptions are about your personality.
Each of us have positive and negative attributes. Neither of us are perfect, and each of us are awesome in so many ways. Often times we don’t get to see the positive attributes from a person in their first performance. There’s a very good chance if you blow your first impression with someone you’ll make an incredible impact simply by sparking up another conversation with them.
There’s a good chance the person who formed the initial ill perception of you caught you off guard. Besides, even if they don’t see the positive side of you they’ll be losing out.
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